I'm going to give drawing a break. Sorta. I'm not going to upload anything until i get my tablet and painter. In the mean time i'm going to work on basic anatomy and hopefully when i do upload things, i'll be able to really wow some people. Tomorrow is my birthday, and i'm so freaking excited! C'est tres bon. I'll even get my paycheck from work! However, i'm not having the best of mornings. Sometimes it feels like i'm still learning how to be a human being.

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I hate that i can be so bitchy. Can't seem to stop myself though. I cant stop myself from looking like a spoiled brat either. I mean, i did earn that money myself. I pay for my own gass. Hell, i paid for my car. I dont get an allowance, and i havent bought myself clothes, makeup, movies, or anything other than 1 magazine, gass, and a couple of sodas witht those paychecks. I'm saving up for the tablet and painter. I've never really been able to spell, so i supose it's my fault i look like a illiterate bitch.

Maybe i've been so excited about becoming independant that i've turned into a money whore? I mean, my parents arent poor or in debt my any means. My dad is buying himelf a new car soon (one that doesnt use as much gass as his truck). He wants a Honda civic. And my parents should buy themselve nice things. When i was younger we were DIRT poor. The army works like that. You start off with shit and you end up with gold. You win the rat race but loose your mind after a few years on the front lines.

I dont know.

Alright, so until i get my tablet (about a month) i'm putting my art on hold. I'm getting really frustrated because my finger pad is crapping out on me and thats how i color all my pics. (%$*@!!!!

Dad is really starting to get on me about joining the millitary. Last night at dinner all he talked about was how ANY job that you want in real life you could find in the milliary, how i should 'travel the world for a few years and get some life experiance before i go to college', how i would 'have hundreds of college credits by the time i got out'. How it would be the smart thing to do.

I dont care. I REALLY dont. Is it a smart thing to do? Yes. But i'm not going to do it because i will have NOTHING to do with the millitary!!! I dont even want to DATE anyone who is going into the millitary. Part of me knows that i'm just being a stupid immature girl saying that, but its true. So what if i dont go into the millitary? I do have reasons:

~ I want to spend Christmas with my family. My dads missed out on 3 or 4 of those.

~ Relative safety. Every time i was called to the office at school i automatically though "He's been shot"

~ I dont want to come home all screwed over in the head.

~ I want to start college with my friends. I dont want to leave them for 4 or 5 years and come home to find i am friendless. These people are my familly! We are incredibly close.

~ I dont want to die. There is always a possiblity of that.

~ 20 years from now i dont want to be giving the 'war rant' to my kids "I WAS TRAINED TO KILL AND I HAVE KILLED AND YOUR TEACHERS DONT KNOW (%*$#!!! IF THEY WRITE THE WORD 'WAR' ITS WRONG!!!!" Ect....

~ Lets face it. I'm not suited for millitary training when it comes to taking orders...

There are others, but i cant think of them now. Those are mostly it. If my dad comes down and says that its either millitary or no college at all, then i'm going to have to either make it through life with no college training (as if...) or wait a few years until i can put myself through college. And student loans are going to be pretty hard to pay off as a starving artist.

some major artists block....urgh...maybe i'll be able to do shit tomorrow...

I've decided i want to move there one day. I think my art will be well accepted there and i like small living spaces, japanese food (yay onigiri!) and tea so that's a plus. I dunno. I had this one dream where my senior year i become friends with a japanese exchange studant and we end up being really close. At the end of the year i leave to spend the summer in japan with her. While i'm over there, i start getting jobs to do art and stuff and then i call home and say i'm taking a year off before college. But durring that year, i start to get some real buisness and all that, so i just end up staying and working in Shibuya (sp?).

Would be really cool...

To bad it'll never happen probbly...

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The pregnancy test said i would never happen, too